December 14, 2006 at 10:21 pm (rant, Uncategorized)

I think I just put it like katatonia:

burn the remembarence. 

lthough I am very close to one of reel big fish:

But I can’t live without her so I won’t even try!

I very much would appreciate some optimism in my thoughts but it’s just not happening. And it’s also fucked up with the term ‘I love her’. That’s what I do. And when that means I just have to forget the physical part, well that’s life, eh?
I love her as a person, as an individual, as the one she is.  And when  she does not feel the same way, that’s life either.  In which case, I’ll simply continue to love her. As a friend and the important person she is.
This my probably sound extremly pathetic and romantic but it’s how I am, I guess.

Or, to say it kinda like the band catch22:

Always was a sucker for a blue eyed metal girl
and for her I’d shoot the world.

Which is in fact what I’d do. I might consider calling myself obsessive^^
No matter really. It’s just about getting your life on… and this includes for now forgetting all the in-love thoughts connected to her and replace that by the normal worries about a fucking close friend. The closest female I got, actually.

But really… who am I kidding? If my guesses are right about how my memory works then I’ll still love her when I’m 35. And this would seriously annoy me by then I figure. But I can’t fight me, can I? Again pretty pathetic.

So… before I get my next emotional breakdown I just want to state:

I will never ever leave your side, no matter as what. The friendship we share is one of the importanst things for me and I will not… want anything to happen to that.
And if that involves to stop loving you in the sense of the word then so be it. I swear this by my sword and to the steel lined sky.

I’m sorry if I’ve annoyed anyone with this lame statement, but it’s something I had to say and I simply can’t do it in any other way…

Stuff to read will follow tomorrow. Or later.




  1. JWG said,

    I guess that I can understand you pretty well, because I loved a girl as much as I’ve never thought, that it would be possible. Nowadays she is still my best (female) friend. Nevertheless I’ve had the luck to meet another girl whom I love as much as I loved the other one before (I can’t belive it myself, but it is true!). My friendship with the ‘first’ girl is more relaxed today, too. You may have found an angel, maybe even the angel of your life (now I’m pathetic, too…). But there is a unknown future… Good luck my friend and exuse my bad english.

  2. Sera said,

    Hey, Lis
    You know my sights of things, altough they seem to change every day, like my feelings. But I think I (don’t know if I’m the only one) have to love someone, to live. If there’s no longing in my life, it’s emty. And everything just get’s darker, than it already is. My life is just this feeling of wanting a thing I can’t get. Never. But, that IS my life and nothing more, nothing less, so I can’t life without it.
    Confusing, but I can’t change it.
    The only one who could change it, is unreachable for me. We have to life with it, i guess.
    I hope, you’ll get more than I have.

    (You know, my english isn’t the best, too)

  3. lisra said,

    I thank both of you very dearly, jwg and sera.

    It may be an angel with a wicked sword and a devils badass attitude, but an angel all the same… we’ll see…

    As much as I thank you, I feel for you. It is really touching to see this bitterness in one so young as you.

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