June 30, 2007 at 11:36 am (poem)

21.06.07

afraid
the past always there
afraid
it might destroy
afraid
of you sunken into misery out of my grasp
afraid
of being alone again
afraid
of cutting bonds you need elsewhere
afraid
to see you on the other side
afraid

fear
always there and biting
fear
when silence breaks the line
of doing something wrong

panic
settling into my heart

if the one thing I hold disappear
I will die somehow
even if I continue to breathe

———-

22.06.07

brooding inside out
thoughts move fast
spider in it’s very net
victim is itself
as the web catches fire.

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June 30, 2007 at 11:35 am (poem)

15.06.07

staring into the moving green
the parapet carries my weight
the wall supports my back
sky pours along with it’s blue
distinct and divided.
I feel the unrest as I stare
sympathy for all those leaves
and I murmur to myself
nothing has happened
but in my heart and soul it all moves on
these moments of vulnerability
and I see myself
I am not breathing
yet with another gust I’m back
and I go away
to tell the tale again

———-

19.06.07

too far I went
again
again
no remorse until
told how it felt
and things considered
It’s simple to say
it’s a flaw
it’s stuck
it’s me
never knowing
until told
never able to see
consequences when
lost in the frey
even though
I could never deliberatly
hurt you
so what now
tell me
help me
there’s a face reflected
on the steel and
I hate it so much
when I’m told
what I said
it never stops
can’t stand
the thought of me
doing this
to you again

———–

20.06.07

afternoon sky slowly breeding a storm
pressing heat
thoughts move different right now
somewhat reassured
although I’m alone at this time.
Memories keep on biting me
it was just hours ago
I was by your side holding your hand
running from fear so fast
I almost reached the void of crying
bu yes it’s still good
I see you and I feel what is right
right there in my heart
and if it wouldn’t hurt you more then me
I’d carve your name across my chest
so I could never forget
that it’s not just me you love me as well
and if I feel pain it’s a reminder
that my feelings are true
and I will not let
my past inflict
damage on this
what’s with yours
that’s for you to decide I guess
you know where I am
it’s by your side.

———–

21.06.07

roses staring at me
reminding me of what I found in the white
but even things that save yourself
can be hurt and damaged
sad smile on my face as I do
the only thing I really can
being there but not close
to the wall, to the protecting wings
to all the things I want to be for you
weakness and helplessness
it drives me insane
I’ll wipe away your tears
just give me hands and fingers to do so.

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June 30, 2007 at 11:34 am (poem)

the obvious (10.06.07)

you know what i want to say with this
so I won’t write it out
save the public from another sign
shed the words from further spoil.
Events keep spiralling around
the intertwined figures of our fingers
I won’t bother to mind
because you should know
I think in curves around you
always returning as long as
you don’t break me
everything I drink
is full of you.

——–

12.06.07

for m.

vague
descending from above
filling
breeding memories
filed under
somehow hurt
and far out of my grasp
for you only
the pain.

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dialouge

June 30, 2007 at 11:33 am (poem)

06.06.06

you just had to say that right
yes kind sir
and why
it’s what I say
that’s no excuse
it’s the one I got
how dare you
because I can
you are not me
I wish I wasn’t
I hate you
you hate so many things
including you
you even hate yourself
I wish I could cut you out
go ahead and try it!

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June 30, 2007 at 11:33 am (poem)

anagram oticera (4.06.07)

warmth and chills come as they like
your touch dissolves the pattern of the known
I’d like to feel everything at once
overcome the barrier
past cloths and strict rules.
Shiver
gives me thirst
drinking from your mouth
finding strength in the warmth of your skin
meaningless in every sense
that’s why it’s necessary.

———

06.06.07

irresponsible
incomprehensible
plain human
why again
why this repetition
when a repeat is
all you can excpet
when you accept reality.
a cheer for blind hope
but I might be out picking flowers
when it fails again
so don’t complain
it was to be expected.

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June 30, 2007 at 11:32 am (poem)

23.05.07

(for m, not c)

see the pictures running past
daytime boredom given form
you hang in the dark of my head
leaving your traces across
the scared surface
my skin is dry as I slump to the side
nothing has happened
just a flaw
the urge to loose the thought
arisen and gone
but I remember
where are you now
I need you now.

——-

03.06.07

sadly disfigured haze in front of my eyes
heat runs from my skin
escaping
thoughts tied together so hard that it hurts
when it will unwind?
the summer cloaks everything in warmth
yet when I’m away I’m cold
she tells me that I can’t comprehend
maybe it’s true
but I know what I feel
but it’s not done so easily
blood remains the same color for me
yet there is no reason to spill
anything except a tear in solitude
sinking in on the keyboard made
of the desire to see
what is beyond this wrds
I can’t understand
becuase if there’s anything right now I want
it’s the strengeth to see behind the fever
walk across the room again
wearing the smile so bright
I want to hold her and tell her
it’s no your fault
and if she does not believe me
what else can I do
dearest being say again
why does it hurt so much
and why am I afraid?

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June 30, 2007 at 11:31 am (poem)

1.05.07

It getting darker outside
night and the scents it bears moves in
and I have to think of you
or so I’m told
and I have to be pathetic again
spoiling paper with dark blue ink
simply to tell all those
people who’ll never see you alive
how beautiful you’r supposed to look
and I imagine your chuckle
because my dear you know
there’s no point in telling them
because there’s nothing to tell
nothing to describe with forced-out words
nothing which would have any meaning to them.
They have never looked into your eyes
and felt the coldness within
never touched the skin and felt
the tension underneath
nor did they see you move so quickly
dodged your blows and blocked your kicks
there is no point in telling them
you will remain a shade for them
hiding from the sun.

—–

06.05.07

the sky high above shines azure blue
it makes me sick it’s far to pleaseant
where’s all this fire I like in a sunset
washed away for a panorama view
so pale and bleak
uncaring
and my steps make a noise which hurts in my head
where the voices fight to be heard
and as much as anything I would
turn deaf for them
but they are what I am
so there’s no other way
then to accept their whispering
because silence
is embracing death
and this may be the only life i’ve got
so please don’t mind
it’s a nice piece of ground where I’m lying
and I use my sword for support it’s no big deal
just a second more and I’ll get up
so please wait
or give me a hand
it would make no difference
or would it?

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June 30, 2007 at 11:30 am (poem)

28.04.07

It’s hard to be down
when the sun is up every single day
a reminder for light
but it goes down as well
there’s always dusk
always a change in temperature
just as the warmth of the sun drains itself away
a touch can turn cold
a look can hurt when its meant to heal
because after all
it depends on the point of view
and if harm is what’s desired
harm is what’s going to come
when tears are meant to fall
there will be crying
so why isn’t there smiling
when I desire it to arise?

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June 30, 2007 at 11:29 am (poem)

18.4.07

complicity
post-graduate in contradicting
what would be sensible.
turning into someone
I never thought I had to be again
and I don’t
so, face in the mirror
explain your sad expression
this sensless pain
I can’t
most brilliant, freak
what’s the matter with you anyway
can’t bear when a road twists for a while
pitiful way
don’t weep in front of a mirror
sheer waste of time
everything’s still there
hand and eyes
it’s all far away
so far away
don’t let it get to you
don’t show a thing
did this once
it left some scars
never again
so here it comes
can’t help myself
it hurts
but believe me when I say
it doesn’t look like this
but I feel happy for you
somewhere inside
greet you with a smile.

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starting again

June 30, 2007 at 11:28 am (poem, rant)

Dear non-existing readers:

due to a lack of spirit and stuff I didn’t use this blog for some time and I don’t know if I will in the future. For now I’ll just post what I wrote since my last post. Just keep checking if you exist 😉

Lis

—-

14.4.07

when I said it it was right
yet wrong and twisted
a lie in bed with truth
spinning away in the arisen thought
I can’t tell ’cause you’ll know
so everything was true and false
smile and frown are one in my bearings
you keep it up from time to time
you’ll understand when I tell you
switched off torch in the dark
please wipe the non-existing tears
from my cheek and say again what i already know
because the mirror tells me to forget
and lend me your strength
to smash it into little fragments
one shard will be a gift to you.

—–

17.4.07

the stars failed to glow again
she whispered as she touched the cheek
caressed the neck below
gripped a shoulder with some care
but the world twisted slightly away
there was nothing the lips could touch
cold and empty space
the shadows hesitated to lick away her tears
so she sat on her knees in solitude
whishing she could tear the sky apart.

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