call of the father

August 29, 2007 at 6:30 pm (poem)

call of the father (14.8.07)

all you small children
come to me

creep under my wings
let the shelter from the past
shut out all light

feel the warmth
of each other
of the blood

come my children
I keep you safe
the hauting darkness
holds nothing for me
I’m part of her

come to me

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August 28, 2007 at 1:30 pm (Uncategorized)

I’m feeling rather mental today.  Like that was anything new.

I’m also announcing that this blog is going to contain more then poems soon. If anyone’s reading and even more if no one is 😉


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the fault song o_O

August 26, 2007 at 12:39 pm (poem)

That’s not the title… it hasn’t got any, but in retrospect it fits.


sense of belonging secured fast
wired to the beating mass of heart
but since the timing took me back
it’s just attached and does not work

and now I’m home again
feeling a stranger
hesitate to talk
it’s all my fault yeah

I have the image you heart smiles
fake teeth gleaming in the sunlight
for someone but not for me
I did you wrong
did meself wrong as well
didn’t fight back enough

and now I’m home again
feeling a stranger
hesitate to talk
it’s all my fault yeah

will you tell me I’m wrong
have looked too deep into the mirror again
or was it this time too much
I don’t know and I won’t ask
it#s not something I can
I’ll just get it wrong again
can’t watch you going away

and now I’m home again
feeling a stranger
hesitate to talk
it’s all my fault yeah

I broke promises
I did things wrong
I hope you know why
and understand
no mater what you say

it’s all my fault

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August 25, 2007 at 12:46 pm (rant)

almost done with posting the old stuff and with every post I get more annoyed. True, it was an important stage in my life (Experience and whatnot) and the aftermath is still around, but I don’t actually want to be remined, do I?

Anyway, it is about time I move on to more interesting (lol) subjects then this relationship…

I sound pretty convincing, do I? Nah, I suppose not. It’s going to be around for a while.

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posting teh olde… 6

August 25, 2007 at 12:43 pm (poem)


drawn of words
mine and yours equally
don’t know if
they are backed up by deeds
but they are written
repeating themselves
gaining nothing
from the loss
giving nothing
cause of death
in a while
why is this



you could have said something
anything at all
anything which meant anything
because although I know
I need to be reminded
need to be slapped so hard that
the message leaves a mark
you could have said something
but quit sending me
this sad face
I can’t do anything with it
except being a reflection.

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posting teh olde… 5

August 25, 2007 at 12:26 pm (poem)


turning world
the demon I cuddle to
the one I miss
looking happy and grim
I don’t know
what’s real
I just want
and being held
would be reflected for
the ones I love
by my dark wings
under them
I’m just
the maniac
who can absorb your fears
don’t mind
just be there
softness missing
where is everyone
except the demon

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posting teh olde… 4

August 25, 2007 at 12:25 pm (poem)


or what is it?
whatever it is
it’s inside me now
and I couldn’t do
anything but get
liquid down my throat and it
enhanced the feeling
but tomorrow
I know I will be sorry
feel bad
not smiling
for her
for you
and I will be
but for now I’m grinning
feeling that my fist could crush a world
and so it’s quite alright
for this happy moment
of dizziness
or somehting
I don’t know
I don’t know anything
I just wish
that when I’m so happy
I could lie somewhere
and hold you in my arms
so you would be happy as well
but I don’t know where you are
hope you are well
my love
in this moment
a god smiles on me
maybe tomorrow I’ll cry
will cut myself
or do something stupid
for now I’m happy
I hope you are happy as well
the only human being
I’d kill for
my love
my little savior
my herald of joy
or something
can’t even think straight
everything is blurred and distorted
but you know what I mean
kiss your memory
never forget
sweet one so far away
I love
love you

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posting teh olde… 3

August 16, 2007 at 10:56 pm (poem)


words all crammed
waiting to leave
condmened to wait
until time time is right
but it’ll never be so
quiet moments spin
bite and scratch
do you
see me
do you know what is
do you even care?
I don’t blame you
I simply can’t
if you mind your life
that’s what you should do always
but just
dear one
stop hurting me
I know I’m mean
I’m quiet
and leave you alone with no clue
but it’s so much pain
I just can’t
face the idea of you getting hurt as well
if you aren’t already
I don’t know
shrouded by another life
that’s how you seem
snowblind in sunlight
if you get a message
saying just “help”
what would you do?

This is not what I wanted
or what I hoped for
this is what I feard most
I did not change
mind what you said
I just fell
and everything I see and hear
is transformed into something that hurts
and I thirst for relief
but there’s no way again
you know this
it’s the way I was when I met you
I don’t want this to happen again
I don’t
I’m so weak it sickens me
and all the time I just say me
it’s all about me again
fuck this
I just….
I just…

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posting teh olde… 2

August 16, 2007 at 10:55 pm (poem)


defiled in a somehow good way
I smell like she did
perfume, skin and smoke
symphony which made me smile then
when I had it between my arms
now it hurts



one of those nights

whispering from the corners
bright light bans the shades
they move nevertheless
the device
will I tell her
is this what I want
but I have to try it
on my own
it worked
but next time
maybe I’ll need her then
in one of those nights

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posting teh olde… 1

August 15, 2007 at 2:13 pm (poem)


sorry for being quiet
not really reacting
but be told
I note what you say
make room in my heart
it may just appear
that I’m blind
I’m not
I’m just me again
black wings keep flapping
and if you get hurt by the wind
then know it’s not what I want
but what I want
I don’t know
just watch me
maybe you’ll know someday
when I’m done with everything



telling myself this
and the contradiction
is forced down my throat
makes me sad to write
because people take part in this
who should have never been touched
by what I have to say
and even when I write it down
I feel it is wrong
I need them
yet I can’t tell
what I think
it hurts
when I’m thinking it
and maybe it’ll hurt them
when I say it
I just don’t know what to do
should I talk
give birth to new fear
scare away the ones I love
or should I keep quiet
until I break
for the sake of breaking?
Why am I even
considering to be quiet?
saint come from you realm
beloved look at me
follower tell me again
where are you three?
you are all here
but I can’t
feel your hearts.

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