them fears

June 29, 2009 at 7:16 pm (poem)

Apologies for a haphazard rythm, it was improvised.


now I’m lying still in bed
darkness all around
thoughts keep moving in my head
they form a pulsing mess
they speak of memories and regret
the future and the past
they show my pictures, sing me songs
but it all comes down to fear

the fear alone within the dark
the fear of hurting her
the fear of loosing all I know
the fear of lost control
the fear of dying all alone
the fear lost in a crowd
the fear of the disease

sleep might push it all away
or invite it in
a gamble we all have to take
night and night again


now all I need is a better singing voice.


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June 14, 2009 at 10:59 pm (poem)

ever wondering
because it is late
because times are tough
because it hurts deep inside
what I should say
is what I see
what is there
no it is not
the ego leeching again
ignore yourself
look through the sameish eyes
to realize

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June 14, 2009 at 10:39 pm (poem)

i shut out all light
lying in bed
is swimming in pitch
images like bubbles
on and below the surface
I see it all in circles
getting mixed, a nightmare soup
and nothing happens until sleep
in this black mess
because it wouldn’t flow out like blood

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June 14, 2009 at 10:34 pm (zitiert)

it was so easy to see
how fucking good it all could be

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June 14, 2009 at 10:30 pm (poem)

mit Vertrauen
in Liebe
sind sie nicht
fühlen sie sich

ich habe sie so oft um dich gelegt
das ich vergessen habe
wie man mit ihnen fliegt

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June 14, 2009 at 10:26 pm (poem)

du siehst es genau
zwischen den Zeilen versteckt
zwei Worte hier
eine Strophe da
ungehört und unentdeckt
es hört ja niemand zu
doch trotzdem so leise
ist das Angst
wer zugibt wirft den Stein
er könnte treffen
denn jeder Stein fällt
manchmal auch auf dich

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June 10, 2009 at 9:44 pm (poem, Uncategorized)

wishing this glass
wasn’t water at all

cut right into it
killing memory

but I never forget

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June 9, 2009 at 5:09 pm (Uncategorized)

hm.. found this while sorting through files. Its a transcript of a moemnt during highschool (2006?) when I was young (ha) and feeling philosophical.


I think there are a lot of things we hate

I think there are a lot of things we hate. As our lives go on we sort of keep am list where we add all the nagging things we loathe, despise, dislike and hate. And when we die the list is either alarmingly long or terribly short.

This means you are either misanthropic or an idiot. This is foolish to write since it would mean that hate is a good thing. It isn’t. Love and beauty, calmness and thought are good things, but hate isn’t. The trouble is that it comes so easy to us.

And the more things and people you see, from a safe distance, the more you hate. So it’s vitally important to get near them and take a good look. You may still hate them then, but at least you know precisely why. Specific hate is way better then generalized loathing.

And then I ask myself – what’s the point?

That’s something I ask myself frequently and it explains a lot of my anguish since it’s obvious to anyone sane that no matter how intelligent I am, it’s impossible to figure out. Never mind. It’s something which will keep me busy until we die. If we die, that is. I try to think that we don’t. This is probably insane too, which proves I’m on the right side, eh?

Sanity is either boring or terribly depressing. Once you start to think sane you may as well slit your wrists.

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