answered

March 13, 2016 at 6:29 pm (poem)

in confinement
questions came
liberation
they survived

will the captors go
yes
they’re gone

will another path emerge
yes, two
to stay as one

will the blaze
leave more than ashes
yes
thirst

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Do you still..

December 26, 2014 at 1:10 am (poem) ()

smog can’t leave and chokes the streets
it sure is November
when I drove through the cold
I couldn’t help but remember

You said it just happens
been like it for years
But more years have since past
Do you still cry at christmas?

Have the ghosts all been silent
The pain gone away
The emotions less violent
All calmer today

You said it means nothing
They’re just random tears
So I never did ask you
Why you cried at christmas

Time sure keeps grinding
Maybe that was your luck
a small silver lining
in now growing up

Collateral damage
But I hope you did manage
To evade losing passion
Adult empty shell
For we all lose some sparks
From the youth we so hated
Grow blunted or jaded
Are grownups the real us
Or youth the true self
Much more intense

Just aimless thinking
The question remains
I just simply call you
Do some catching up

You said it is alright
The demons in check
With everything around just right
You now smile at christmas

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retro

April 4, 2014 at 10:03 pm (poem)

today a radio played an old song
send me against the wall
trapped me in nostalgia
so much welling up inside
feelings of romance and fright
memries good and bad but right
from the well they vanish to inside.

the past is just this hole which keeps on
growing all the time and then collapses
in upon itself and births
another you

the you today, the me I am
has lost connection to the things that were
but when this music trigged
memory cascade
it feels so close again

it’s not quite like regret or sadness
or romantic longing for dreams and hopes
ambitions, goals and gains that never were
and never came
like a sweetness that once was entangled
in another universe with spider webs
of jarring “well what if”‘s
which in the end is meaningless cos
the only actual happiness lies in the present
and those to come

so all this queer confusion
is the sign of a life that went on
is going on
and will turn out alright
with wounds and smiles intil the end
myriads of more what ifs
we’ll never comprehend
and that’s just fine

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Schlaflos

April 9, 2012 at 9:54 pm (poem)

Rote Zahlen an der Decke

Wechseln im Minutentakt

Mit dem Atmen des Kühlschranks

Tote Geräusche, lebendes Zimmer

Ein Atemzug nach dem Anderen

Herzschlag im Bauch

Dumpfe Basstöne, Stimmen der Nachbarn

Zeichen von Menschen; in dieser Kapsel

Trotzdem alleine, Sand in der Kehle

Schwer drückende Schultern

Trotz rastloser Beine

Von links bis nach rechts drehen

Gibt nur falsche Lagen

Gegen elektrische Stimmen

Gedankengemurmel

Angst die es nicht gibt

Zwang der hier nicht liegt

Druck der auch noch zieht

Leere die auch füllt

Rote Zahlen an der Decke

Die Sonne geht auf

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nighttime observations through the eyes of a plushie

January 19, 2012 at 1:24 pm (poem)

under pale fake light he balances a glass
it holds some warmth within to give
itself up with every sip
pushing sneaky sleep

one hand pressed effortless
a book onto the table
pages scream their secrets out
imaginary wars distract

a finger bends the string with ease
raises the note in pitch
to drop it back where it belongs
into the melodic stream

from their shelves they look in silence
leopard, cat and mouse
observing all the things he does
while he’s still awake

within his heart he keeps a girl with love
we see her now and then
and with conviction say indeed, we know this girl is you
and when we’d ask him, is it true
he’d say with you, in love, is me

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1000 days

December 9, 2010 at 10:49 pm (poem)

when daily life is a balance act
attention is focused on the rope
not on what’s beneath or behind
dancer what did you leave behind
more than 1000 days
of keeping your skin
untouched and whole
letting tears not transform
into lines of blood
more than 1000 days
without old lies
more than 1000 days
being yourself on your own
dancer keep on going
use those wings if
you should fall
or tire of the act

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October 13, 2010 at 5:01 pm (poem)

want to shut out this world
the inane laughter grating my ears
the empty faces behind that
shut out the dull aches
the weight holding me down
accomplishments and dreams
now bearing claws
my own expectations
what I should want
but what I really want
is to shut out this world
curl up in sleep

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Embers

September 12, 2010 at 11:13 am (poem)

through the thin veil of wine
I glance at pictures gone
what am I looking for
remembrance sits down sighing
the arms are cold
so many things have happened
I’m not the same anymore
nothing is the same anymore
stars tell me to sleep
remembrance whispers what I now know
I somehow miss you too

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scraps

September 12, 2010 at 11:13 am (poem)

I wrote these in late 2006 on the back of bustickets while waiting at city hall for something and having a fever. Guess it shows in the lack of coherence and stuff.

went where the black roses grow
gripped a stem and broke it off
felt the smell and the thorn’s harm
couldn’t help but smile
carried the flower away
??sure through the white
valleys never meant to be seen
sunlight nowhere to be felt
awa?? thirst beyond the grasp
no hand left free
died inside a city of glass
burned by the sun’s pale ghost
a kiss by a sleeper
the desire unfulfilled

—–

stand aside
we got spoiled again
between accusations and guilt
hatred and awe
someone created a leader
not to us
to everyone caught
outside their heads
and the inside pain
won’t be tolerated anymore
to fulfil a madman’s view
of a world he calls pure
we will be locked away
because he and they are blind

———

I want to smile
for me, for you
and to do
it all on my own
hell is this silence

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little ache

June 2, 2010 at 4:07 pm (poem)

good evening again I’m crawling
to my favorite place
tear on your tissue with my spikes
and watch you breathing slow
stabbing on with glee and then I lie low
just to return with fangs
you run from me, you run with her
build up muscle walls
but you haven’t beat me yet

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